I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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