I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
