from now on my penis is your penis
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
