I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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