The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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