I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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