so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
