i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
