weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
