hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
