I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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