Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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