You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
