I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
