We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
