Soap is not a condiment
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
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My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
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Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize