Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
