this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
