i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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