I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
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