We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
