I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
there is glitter all over my balls
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
