What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
