Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
