I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
