I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
