But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
