Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
