Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
