Someone shit on the floor
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
