At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
