One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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