Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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