I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he thought i was a dude.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize