you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
