I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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