The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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