He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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