Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
