there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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