Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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