i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
