the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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