I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
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whose ass print is on the piano?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
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I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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