is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
