Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Randomize
