Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you traded sex for a burrito?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize