Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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