paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
