Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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