omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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