the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
