This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
