My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
