Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
