How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
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