Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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