the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.