Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she smelled like a LAN party
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
