Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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