i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
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