Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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