I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
