That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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