So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
