Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think I sprained my soul last night
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
