Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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