im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You can't special order awesome
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
