I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
