he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
