Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
