i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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