I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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