my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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