apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
