i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
