he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
