I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
