Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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