Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
