so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize