Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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